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RS4 a practical rock ‘n roll bullet

03.05.2013

DRIVING the Audi RS4 Avant is like partying with a female WWE pro wrestler. It looks fun and inviting, as she stands around in her professional attire, but you know there’s a wild party side just waiting to be unleashed.

In the RS4 Avant, that wildness comes in the form of a naturally aspirated V8 engine also found in its brother, the RS5 Coupe. It’s certainly the heart of the party with a massive 331kW and is capable of propelling the Avant from standstill to 100km/h in 4.7 seconds before launching onto a limited top speed of 250km/h.

The brute acceleration it offers can only be described as the feeling a child gets when they punch an adult in the gut and run off laughing with a massive grin on their face. It’s deliriously addictive and I couldn’t help but keep punching the accelerator to the floorboard and revelling in the feeling of the transfer of power to the Quattro permanent all-wheel-drive. 

Luckily this German tenure also knows how to sing, conjuring up a furious rumble every time you touch the loud pedal, as my one friend so cleverly stated, “Best you put seatbelts on your ears, because this Audi’s going to take them for the ride of their lives.”

Of course, with such an appetite for furious power, you would think that the RS4 has developed a bit of a drinking problem. Fortunately not, because Audi claims it will only consume around 11 litres/100km. We weren’t this blessed, however, and after spending a week with us, the diva had developed quite a thirst for costly fossil fuels, averaging closer to 14 litres/100km, still not bad considering we took every opportunity to hit the noisy pedal and hear the car’s acoustics.

But the RS4 is more than just an egomaniac diva. You see, I normally get nervous around beautiful things and while spending some quality time in close proximity with the Avant, I could feel my palms get sweaty every time I got behind the wheel. That’s because, apart from being stunningly beautiful with its elongated profile, the RS4 is devastatingly fast, but it’s by no means a one-trick pony. It can easily accommodate two adults of the larger variety in the rear, plus the huge boot just seems to swallow luggage.

Inside, you are greeted by all the luxuries and finishes you’d expect to find in a premium vehicle and the spacious cabin is comfortable. One thing that does take some getting used to is the taut suspension setup. It’s by no means back breaking, but depending on the mode selected, the Audi can rearrange a few vertebrates, particularly when you engage Dynamic mode. However, the demon the RS4 becomes while in Dynamic is well worth aching, as you can feel everything tighten up as it becomes über sporty.

Threading it through the twisties, the RS4 hugs the road like it’s a long-lost relative. Should you enter a corner a little too quickly, the phenomenal Quattro system makes the car surprising agile, despite its hefty rear.

It’s a car dripping with exotica, both in the looks and feel departments. But it has left me pondering the laws of attraction. Because, as a man, I know I’m not supposed to like the station-wagon profile, but as a petrolhead, the performance figures alone excite me!

The RS4 Avant is ridiculous in every sense of the word. It’s ridiculously well-priced, ridiculously fast and its handling is ridiculously effortless.

Ultimately, since returning the Audi RS4 Avant, I’ve spent many a night rocking back and forth in a dark corner wondering where it may be. But I do know it’s undoubtedly still having a good time.

Article written by Stuart Moir
03.05.2013
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